Mamas in Faith

The life cycle of a butterfly has been used as one very obvious example of physical change that we can witness in nature. Something that if watched closely you can observe something going from a tiny speck into a what some would view as majestic beauty. By the off chance that you have not been able to witness this in person let me give you a brief overview using the monarch butterfly as an example. An egg is laid somewhere on a milkweed plant, after a handful of days it hatches and begins to eat, this tiny creature smaller than a tip of your finger grows rapidly over the matter of a week to about a week and a half to about the size of a pointer finger. Once it reaches that stage, it travels away from its host plant and then attaches itself to what it believes is a safe place for its next stage. Once it is attached…. it rolls itself in and becomes a gross state on the inside with a pretty exterior of jade embellished with gold. A few days later the whole thing becomes dark, only for the next day to hatch into its final form of a beautfiul orange and black butterfly, within a couple of hours it is ready to fly.

If you are wondering how on earth a butterfly metamorphosis relates to seeking after the Lord please bare with me as we walk through this together.

Sow righteousness for yourselves and reap faithful love; break up your unplowed ground. It is time to seek the LORD until he comes and sends righteousness on you like rain. You have plowed wickedness and reaped injustice; you have eaten the fruit of lies. Because you have trusted in your own way and in your large number of soldiers.  
Hosea 10:12-13 CSB

Throughout both the Old and New Testament there are various examples of God punishing those who do not obey is commands, those who seek experinces over His presence. In this sense I am thinking of such things like; Idol worship, the use of mediums, withcraft, etc. All of these things have one been called out by God as unrighteous but two are continual examples of people seeking experinces in quote un quote tangible ways. I recently have heard, or maybe have just been more aware of it being said, “Just because it feels right does not mean it is good or comes from God.” Though we do something and we achieve what we desired does not mean that what we experinced is good.

Growing up I had the belief that no matter what Jesus loved me and God was angry… my child brain had not grasped the concept just yet that Jesus as God’s son was still God and that they were both part of the trinity. And while I sometimes still have to wrestle with how to make sense of the Holy Spirit, I know that God is in fact triune. But that is really a topic for another day. It wasn’t until the last few years that I got swept up into what I now know was something along the lines of hyper-charasmatic. It always baffaled me that people would talk about experiencing God’s presence in their lives. Like I knew that I believed in God and that I had been baptised in a believers baptism as a child but I could not recall a time I had “heard the voice of God” or “been consumed by His presence”. As a young adult I didn’t think it was from a lack of trying. I was in the midst of postpartum depression and someone had invited me to a Bible Study group, which I now understand probably wasn’t where I needed to be but God still used what happened in very tangiable ways and in some ways is why I am even writing this blog today.

This group study had some videos, a book that had spots for journaling, a group of women to walk alongside with and it ended in a conference type format. I thought at the time that it was going to be amazing, that this was my ticket to come back to Jesus and get my spiritual footing as an emerging mother who was wanting more than what I currently had going on with life. I thought I was seeking after a relationship with Jesus that somehow this time of the course of a couple months was going to lead me closer to what I wanted and further away from where I was. I can remember feeling so overwhelmed with emotions during the conference that I believed there was no other explanation other than God’s presence. I had went up during a song to seek some help with prayer from one of the “prayer leaders” and I remember her asking me to let out my prayers and when I responded with my natural english I could feel her pull away and start “asking God” that I could be blessed with the use of tongues…. Now up until this point I had heard that the spirtual gifts were only something we read about in the Bible and that they were not presently active. I felt defeated that day that I was “unable” to experince God like all these other women. Surely something had to be so wrong with me that He wouldn’t allow that for me. I, myself was so very caught up in finding the experince that I was missing the subtle ways God had already been moving in my life.

It now is no surprise to me that many women fall prey to what is referred to as “seeker sensitive” churches, studies and programs. While at first these might seem like a good thing but in the long run they could be detrimental to the santification process. (and yes I know there will be many who disagree with this statment but I am simply giving my opinion based on person experience and what I have come to understand through reading scripture for myself.) I am gonna bring you back to the butterfly anaolgy for just a moment… at various points in the transformation process from caterpillar to butterfly there can be disruptions or even complete desctruciton before it ever has the chance to be a butterfly. One of the few predators of monarch caterpillers is wasp, they make a tasty treat from them before ever making it to the chrysalis stage. But even during the chrysalis stage there can be certain things that cause the ultimate demise and once again it would never reach the butterfly stage. So imagine this if you will, you believe that you are walking away from sin, much like the caterpillar moves away from the milkweed. You believe you have found a new safe place to grow. You plant you feet and go all in because everything from the outside looking in appear to be the right place for you. You have settled in and the more you are there you begin to actually open your Bible for yourself, you find yourself desiring to walk with God. But you slowly realize that the more you read for yourself and the more you want to dive deeper into actual theology, apologetics and chuch history the more you feel disconnected to those attending church along side you. The thing about a monarch chrysalis is that once it attaches itself it cannot move from that position until after it transforms. YOU on the other hand can walk away from something that is stifling your santification. There are two times when you will see a chrysalis become dark… the death of the developing butterfly inside OR shortly before the butterfly is about to emerge.

If you are constantly stuck looking for experiences with God you may be missing out on learning to walk with the Lord. Here is a short list of things that may indicate some red flags.

• There is always a focus on getting more church attendance without a focus on growing those that are already attending.
• Every “sermon” sounds like a self-help talk
• The pastor or pastoral staff are more celebirty like than humble servants- see Titus 1:5-16
• Support on reading scripture for yourself is not readily available
• There is a huge emphasis on Jesus being love without the mention of humankinds sinful nature.

In the book Praying with Paul by D.A. Carson he states, “Feelings of guilt will not by themselves help us to make the right choices; they may simply increase our stress and resentments. But if our love abounds more and more, shaped all the while by knowledge and moral insidddght, then these are teh kinds of choices we will be wanting to make- and we will be wanting to make them well. They are teh kinds of choices that cannot be made on teh basis of mere law. They spring from a heart trransformed by God’s grace.” (page 109)

If we only continue to seek experinces without pursuing heart change we risk missing what God is already doing in our lives. We do not need some big emotional experience or a grand miracle to grow spiritually. Much like a dripping faucet a slow drip, drip, drip can make a big change overtime.

Now that I have given some personal experience on what seeking after experinces can look and feel like, I think it is importnat to also provide a starting point for what seeking after the Lord. A few years ago I kept hearing others say things like, “God told me”, “I heard God say”, “His voice was so aduible, I have no doubt that I am on the right path.” I for sure thought I must be doing something wrong because I could not remeber a time in my adult life where I could say I had heard Gods voice, felt His presence sure BUT heard His voice, no. If you are reading this also feeling similar, the best way to hear God’s voice is to be in Scripture…. daily, or near daily. It really does take time to build that habit if you have not been in the Word regularly. Here is a few tips about actually reading for understanding. Read with Purpose If you are wanting a resource to help you keep all the things together, I have been loving this Bible journal.

• Read your Bible diligently
• Pay close attention to what others are saying and test it against Scripture
• Pray (this one was and has been a challenge for me)
• Take an appraisal of where you currently are, knowing where you struggle can help you to be more discerning.
• Do NOT do something just because it is popular, even if a group of your good friends is doing it. Approach it with prayer and use Scripture as your guide.

Just as a butterfly emerges from a dark space that was once beautiful, we can be reminded that trusting in God’s plan can take us from small beginnings, lead us through trials, break us down to nothing, and yet still emerge greater for HIs goodness. Better for His glory, seeking after His will rather than an experience will have far greater reward.

IF you have made it this far, past the butterfly intro, past the red flag list, past my stories of some of my own struggles. You have made it through all my disjointed thoughts on such a weighty topic. I leave you with this question to ponder for yourself.

Are you searching for an experience or are you seeking the Lord?